Blessings...

I think sometimes it's hard to recognize those tender mercies from the Lord until you receive one so big it changes your life forever. This last week has been such a whirlwind it's hard to know what I can convey and what I can't, but I want to try to tell our story so I remember what a challenging and special time this has been.

Last Tuesday the 11th Josh and I spent the day mulling over big changes for our family. Josh was layed off the last week in November and we have been looking for new work and new options. He was offered a position in Flagstaff and we also have an opportunity to go to Eagar among other things. I spent Tuesday at the temple and that night we went back and forth for hours trying to make a decision about where to go. Nothing felt quite right and I was beside myself with anxiety. So I asked Josh for a blessing. I got some of the peace I needed and remember him reminding me that when things got harder than I could bear I needed to remember I could rely on the Savior.

I woke up the next morning after a restless night and as we layed in bed I realized the baby wasn't moving like usual. He was almost always active in the morning and I started thinking and realized he hadn't moved the morning before either and I couldn't remember the last time he had moved. I started to panick and got a hold of my doctor asap. They told me to go to the hospital and get the baby monitored. I went alone so Josh could watch the kids. After registering and waiting around I finally got back and the nurse hooked up the heart monitor. She couldn't find a heart beat and I felt like my world was over. I just knew he was gone. After what felt like an eternity she finally found him. The heartbeat was very faint. After about 15 minutes she called my OB and they decided to do an ultrasound. After that everything went really fast. My OB came and did a quick ultrasound and found that there were only small pockets of amniotic fluid. My placenta was small and that baby wasn't responding at all. The more in-depth ultrasound called a biophysical came next. Basically on the scale of 1-4 all of his critical levels came back at a zero. As soon as that number was announced they took me immediately back for an emergency c-section. Josh made it just in time to see them cut the baby out.

I couldn't see anything. But Josh says he was dark purple and tiny as can be. They started pumping his lungs right away. As soon as I heard his little cry I started to feel a little more relief. I felt so many emotions and there was so much going on in that moment that I just can't describe. It was just a miracle that our sweet little baby made it into the world alive. He was first declared 3 lbs 4 oz. They later decided that number was probably wrong and he was more like 2 lbs 9 oz. He was only 31 and a half weeks (8.5 weeks too early). So, Carter Paul Rogers birthday is January 12, 2011 rather than sometime in March.

I kind of feel like I could write a novel about what all went on. It also kind of feels good to vent it out! But I think I'll move along to a few facts about how he's doing. This is my first time feeding him. He has a feeding tube going to his stomach, an IV in his stomach to give him nutriets because he can't really digest much yet, and a CPAP machine and puts pressure on his lungs to help him remember to breath. Based on his current status everyone says he looks great all things considered. We are counting on at least a month in the NICU maybe more depending on how things go.




He's the tiniest little thing I've ever seen. All of the healthy newborns around look enormous! This marks the beginning of a long process of ups and downs. I know it will be hard and it couldn't have happened at a worse time, but I also know that the Lord is with us and that no matter how hard things are he can make everything easier to bare.